


You Win, You Lose

by Yitzock



Category: Bohemian Rhapsody (Movie 2018)
Genre: Concerts, Eventual Brian May/Roger Taylor, First Love, First Time, Lost Love, Love at First Sight, Lovers to Friends, M/M, Non-Explicit Sex, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Temporarily Unrequited Love, eventual maylor - Freeform, fast paced
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-25
Updated: 2019-05-25
Packaged: 2020-03-17 09:44:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,889
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18962743
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yitzock/pseuds/Yitzock
Summary: Joey is a Queen fan who admires Brian May and wants to be just like him. But when he spots Roger Taylor alone in a bar after a concert, he quickly falls in love. Is there more to things than there initially seems?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I never thought I would write something like this, but here I am. This idea popped into my head one day and I had to write it down to get it out of my head, even if it's not my best. I hope you enjoy reading it, anyway. This one is for all the slash writers whose work I have enjoyed on this website.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Joey's first concert and a chance meeting.  
> As with all my other BoRhap fics, this is based on fictionalized versions of Queen portrayed by their respective actors.

Joey stood in front of the mirror trying to fix his hair. He wanted it to be fluffy all over. He used to keep his curls short, thanks to the influence of his parents for his entire childhood. His mum in particular had said that if he let it get too long it would look messy. Joey had gone along with that notion for most of his life, but had recently had a change of heart and now he was letting it grow.

The reason for this change was the one and only Brian May.

Joey had first seen Brian in a magazine and was instantly enamoured with him. He had gone out and bought Queen's latest single that very same day, his admiration of Brian increasing when he learned just how good of a guitar player he was.

He began to collect a scrapbook of every publication he could find about Queen. He found himself staring at Brian's photos the most. He wanted to be like him, even though he knew he would never be as beautiful.

He surprised himself at the words that found their way into his thoughts. Brian was handsome, as most other people would describe a good-looking man. But Joey thought he was beautiful, too.

The nature of Joey's admiration became even clearer to him when he awoke one morning after dreaming that he met Brian, who proceeded to pull him into a passionate kiss. When he woke from the dream, his heart was pounding against his chest. He was frightened by it, though it had been so wonderful in the moment. He never thought he would be attracted to a man. At first, he didn't know what he was supposed to do about it.

After some time, he realized there was nothing to be done, and he continued as he was. He couldn't get Brian out of his mind. Like any other crush, it would pass eventually. And right now he was enjoying being in the thick of infatuation with the greatest guitarist he had ever heard. And since he was living in a place of his own, nobody could stop him from trying to be like Brian or from saving up his money for a ticket to see Queen when they came to town.

Though he knew everyone would be in the dark and watching the band, Joey still planned his outfit for that might carefully. He wanted to look good, like he belonged with Queen. He had put together an outfit that was the closest he could find to one he had seen Brian wear, complete with a similar necklace that he had found in a shop that sold costume jewelry. He fixed his hair, now grown but still not nearly as long as Brian's, into the biggest and fluffiest shape he could. Once satisfied, he headed for the theatre.

He was lucky that the venue for the concert was only a short walk from his apartment. He much preferred walking than taking a bus. Plus, he liked window shopping.

He arrived somewhat early to the concert and had to wait outside to be let in. He gripped his ticket in his hand in anticipation as he watched the line of expectant fans growing behind him.

When they finally let everyone after what felt like an eternity, he secured a spot fairly close to the stage so that he could see everything. When the venue finally went dark and the musicians came onstage, it was even more exciting than he had expected.

The band's energy was incredible. He almost found it hard to know where to look. Freddie's stage presence was magnetic, Roger's drumming was elaborate and impressive, and John's focus on his playing never seemed to waver. But even though his attention was divided, he was drawn to Brian most of all. His guitar playing was even more engrossing when he could see Brian's dexterity on the fretboard. And the light that shone down on him glinted off his hair, creating a halo around his head. He was even more beautiful in person.

He wished the concert could have gone on forever and he felt a little sad as the band took their bows and walked off the stage. He didn't want to leave. He wanted to meet Brian. Even just having the guitarist acknowledge his presence would have been enough.

The sun had gone down since the concert had started, but Joey loitered around with some other fans, hoping to get a glimpse of the band as they left the theatre.

When the band finally appeared, the stage door became a flurry of activity. Girls shouted the names of their favourite band member and reached out to them. A couple of men employed by the band kept a distance between then and the fans, but that didn't deter them. Joey wanted to get Brian's attention, but his voice stuck in his throat and the guitarist was looking the other way. The next thing he knew, the band was riding away in their car. The others chattered among themselves.

"I touched Freddie's hand!"

"Roger winked at me!"

"John looked at me!"

"I hope my photograph turns out."

Joey had no such story to share with the other fans, even though just seeing the band walk by had been exciting. He almost wished he had gone home so that the night wouldn't have ended in such an anticlimactic way.

As the others began to do, Joey started walking home. He took his time and looked in the windows of the shops that were still open and looked at the people eating at the various restaurants. There was one bar that he noticed was almost dead. There were only a few customers in the whole place, despite the busyness of the other nearby establishments. What struck him even more about the place was Roger Taylor sitting alone at the bar.

Joey thought it odd that Roger would be alone in a quiet bar, but thought maybe he was unwinding after the show. He looked around the bar through the window and the rest of the band was nowhere to be found.

Joey was about to continue on his way when he realized he couldn't do that. It was Roger, not Brian, but this could be his only chance in his life to meet someone famous, let alone someone from his favourite band.

A little nervously, Joey walked in and sat down at the bar two stools down from Roger.

"Can I get a Coke?" Joey asked the bartender. In seconds, a freshly-opened bottle appeared in front of him. Joey took a sip and made eye contact with Roger.

"You came to a bar, but you don't drink?"

Roger looked at Joey a little inquisitively, though there was no malice in his tone.

"I just felt like Coke," Joey said simply. He was thirsty, and this would hydrate him more than alcohol.

"Well, I feel like beer," Roger said before taking another sip from the bottle in his hand. Joey nodded in acknowledgement, trying to think of something to say that wouldn't bring attention to Roger's celebrity.

"Do you come here often?" Joey asked, wincing a little at his choice of question. "It doesn't seem very popular."

"I don't," Roger said. "But I felt like somewhere quiet tonight."

"If you would rather I didn't talk to you, I can go sit somewhere else." The last thing Joey wanted to do was bother someone he admired.

"No, it's all right," Roger said. "A little company is nice. Other than my close friends in my band, most people treat me like I'm not a regular person. We performed tonight. While I love the fans, I need a break from them sometimes."

Joey felt unsure how to proceed. Roger was clearly alluding to Queen and the concert Joey had just been to, but he still wasn't sure it was the right time to admit he knew who Roger was.

"So your band is pretty popular, then?"

"Yeah, I guess so," Roger said. "We’re always trying to be bigger, though."

"Maybe one day," Joey said. "A lot of fans can become dedicated for life." Joey was sure he would be one of those fans.

Roger didn't say anything to that, just looked back down at the bar and took another sip of his drink. Joey wondered what he was thinking. Roger had never seemed like the quiet one in the group, but here he was, looking very introspective.

After a few moments of silence, Roger finished his drink and ordered another. Partway through the second, Roger spoke again.

"You're a quiet one, aren't you?"

"I just didn't want to be a bother, that's all," Joey replied. "You seem lost in your thoughts."

"Yeah, I suppose I am."

Roger looked at Joey a bit more intensely for a moment, up and down, then spoke again.

"You have really nice hair," he said.

"Huh?" Joey said with surprise, feeling his face beginning to flush and unsure how to respond.

"It's really nice. It looks soft."

"I guess it is...soft, I mean," Joey replied, stumbling over his words, touching his hair awkwardly. "I get the curls from my Lebanese grandparents on my dad's side. It used to be shorter, but I'm trying to let it grow. Though it's not as long as I'd like it, yet."

"I've been there," Roger said. "Try not to think about it too much, 'cause there's nothing you can do to make it go faster. But if you're not paying close attention it'll happen before you know it."

"Okay." Joey nodded again. It made sense. Maybe it was good advice. "It's hard not to pay attention to something you want.”

"Yeah..." Roger said, looking up and down again.

"I'm Joey, by the way."

"Roger."

They shook hands.

As they continued speaking, it took Joey some time to notice that Roger had moved to the stool right next to him. Their knees touched and neither of them pulled away, so they remained like that until the bartender interrupted their conversation.

"We're closing in five minutes," he said.

"Already?" Roger asked.

"Afraid so," the bartender said simply as he continued cleaning up behind the bar.

Roger reached over to the napkin holder and pulled a pen out of his pocket. He scribbled onto it before handing it to Joey.

"I'll be in town until the weekend. Give me a call."

"Okay."

They walked to the door of the bar before going their separate ways.

When Joey finally got into bed, it took him some time to fall asleep. He couldn't stop thinking about how the night had turned out. He had expected to just have a little casual chat with Roger, but now he actually had his phone number!


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A chance meeting and Joey's date with Roger.

Joey called that afternoon, feeling a little strange about the fact that he was able to get in contact with Roger Taylor so easily.

"Hello?"

"Hello, Roger. Er...it's Joey. From the bar."

Roger's voice brightened on the other end of the phone line.

"Hi, Joey! I'm so glad you called!"

"Yeah, so, er...I was wondering when I could see you again..."

"Right! I'd love to!" Roger exclaimed. "My friends in my band aren't going to be around tomorrow night, so why don't you come over to my place?"

"You live here?"

"Well, not exactly. It's the hotel we're staying in."

"I see..." Joey wondered silently what kind of debauchery took place in that room with groupies, booze, and such.

"Is that all right?"

Roger didn't seem like someone who would force him to participate in that if he didn't want to.

"Yeah, it's all right."

Roger told him where he was staying and the next thing Joey knew it was the night of the date and he was standing in front of Roger Taylor's hotel room door. He was about to reach up and knock when the door opened and in front of him was standing none other than Brian May.

Joey froze and stared wide-eyed at the man standing only inches away from him. He knew he looked stupid and that staring was rude, but he couldn't make himself do any differently.

"Hello," Brian said, looking down at Joey.

"H....h...."

"You must be Roger's friend."

Joey nodded dumbly. Roger appeared at the door.

"Hey, Joey! Come on in!"

"See you later, Rog!" Brian said before leaving. Joey stepped out of the way to let him pass, but turned to watch him go.

"Are you coming in or are you just going to stand there in the hall all night?" Roger teased from the doorway.

The comment pulled Joey out of his daze.

"Right, sorry," he said and walked in.

The hotel room was pretty nice, a couple of chairs across from the spacious bed.

"I guess I should have told you sooner that I'm in Queen. I see you were surprised to see Brian just now."

"I was," Joey said. "But I recognized you back at the bar. I was at your concert that night."

"You fooled me."

"I didn't want you to think I would treat you differently. I was enjoying talking with you and you...seemed to like me."

"I do like you, Joey." Joey blushed at Roger's directness. "It's nice to be with someone who's not just in it for the brush with fame."

"Well, I did want to meet you because you're in Queen," Joey said, hoping he wasn't about to ruin it all, "but it's not why I stayed."

Roger smiled a little. Joey waited for him to speak, but he turned away. Joey thought he was heading for the door, but instead he went over to the drink cart opposite the chairs.

"What would you like?" he asked. "I'm afraid I don't have any Coke."

Joey chuckled with relief. Roger poured their drinks and joined Joey in the chair next to him.

"Where was Brian going, if you don't mind me asking?"

"Some physics thing," Roger said. "He's only working on his PhD part-time right now, but there was a lecture at the local university he wanted to go to."

"Cool," Joey said. Brian was so smart. "If I don't see him later, could you tell him I'm sorry for how I acted earlier? I was overwhelmed and I wasn't very polite."

"I'm sure he understands," Roger said. "He knows he's got fans, like you."

"I'm a fan of you, too, now, you know. In a different way."

Roger grinned at him. "And what way is that?" He said it like he already knew the answer and as though his answer to the question would be the same.

“ _This_ way.”

Joey wasn't sure where the confidence came from, but as he said this he leaned forward in his chair and the next thing he knew he was kissing Roger.

After a few seconds, he pulled back a little in case Roger wanted to stop, but Roger instead leaned in to continue. When they finally did separate, Joey gasped for breath. Roger looked at him intently, then grinned.

"You don't waste any time, do you?" he said.

"I don't know what came over me," Joey said, looking down at his feet, no longer feeling as bold as he had just moments before. "I've never done that before."

"It’s all right," Roger said. "It was nice."

Joey licked his lips and glanced back up at Roger.

"I don't really know what to say after that," Joey said. It was true. He had enjoyed the kiss, but had no experience with how these things were supposed to work. He was sure Roger had a lot more than he did. He hoped that wouldn't keep things from continuing, when they'd only just started.

Roger seemed to pick up on his hesitancy.

"I'm not going to make you do anything you're not ready for," he said. "I invited you over here so we could chat some more, like we did that  night. I wanted to get to know you better."

"Okay," Joey said, trying to relax a little. He sat back in his chair and took another sip of his drink.

"How long have you been listening to Queen?" Roger asked.

"I saw it before I heard it," Joey explained. "I saw a photo in a magazine. A photo of Brian, actually, and I was intrigued by what a band with such a magnificent-looking guitarist sounded like. I was hooked from then on."

"Brian does look pretty amazing when be plays," Roger agreed. "We've been playing music together for years, now. We had another band before Queen. He just keeps getting better. You know he made that guitar of his himself? He and his dad built the whole thing. As if he wasn't already talented enough."

Joey nodded in agreement. Who would have thought that Roger would have the same admiration for Brian as a fan did?

"We argue a lot, too," Roger added. "Sometimes it's amazing we're still working together. Somehow, it doesn't ever make one of us want to leave. So far, anyway."

"You're best mates, then?"

Roger smiled to himself. "Yeah."

Joey could see that Roger and Brian had a special bond. In the past, he probably would have been jealous of Roger's closeness with Brian, but now he was finding he was just happy to be with Roger. Though he still secretly hoped he would get to run into Brian again, preferably without making a fool of himself.

"Do you play any instruments?" Roger asked.

"I used to take piano lessons," Joey said with a shrug. "Couldn't take the piano with me when I moved out of my parents' house, though."

"You should buy a keyboard," Roger said. "They don't take up nearly as much space as a piano."

"I would if I could afford it. I had to save up to get a ticket to your concert, and even that wasn't _so_ expensive. But it was beyond my usual budget."

"I didn't realize our tickets were going for such a high price. I'll have to speak to the management."

"No you won't!" Joey laughed. “I told you it was my budget, specifically. I'm sure for most people it's not so hard."

"I don't want people living paycheque to paycheque, like we used to do, struggling to see us," Roger said plainly. "But maybe it can't be helped. We like those fancy lights and things."

"They _are_ great," Joey said. He looked down to realize that he was still holding Roger's hand. He tried to pull it back with embarrassment, but Roger stopped him. Roger felt the contours of Joey's fingers and knuckles.

"You have such long slender fingers," he murmured. "I bet they'd great for playing piano."

He kept feeling them, rubbing them in a repeating circular pattern.

"Feels good, right? You've got a lot of tension in your hands."

Joey nodded.

"I get it, too. I use my hands a lot as a drummer, so I've learned how to get rid of the tension. Now the other."

Joey gave him his other hand and Roger repeated the same motions.

"I bet you could be a good guitar player, too. You need good fingers for that..."

Joey watched the focus on Roger's face. It was the same focus he had when he was playing drums.

When Roger was finished, Joey flexed his fingers, enjoying the way they felt now that they were loosened and the blood was flowing inside of them.

"You'll have to teach me how to do that one of these days," Joey said.

"It's a deal," Roger said.

They sat in silence for another few moments, when they heard the key in the door and Brian came back.

"Oh, hi!" Brian said. "I wasn't sure if you would still be here."

"We've had a lot to talk about," Roger said, though Joey wasn't sure how much talking they had actually done.

"And drinking, I see," Brian said in a scolding tone. "I hope you'll be fit for our gig tomorrow."

"You're having another concert?" Joey asked.

"In the next town over. But we're coming back here for the night. Then we're packing up for our next tour stop," Roger explained.

"Speaking of which," he then added. "Brian, do we have any extra tickets for tomorrow night?"

"I don't know," said Brian. "Why?"

"For Joey," he said.

"I've already seen you guys play, I couldn't -"

"Who says you can't see us again? You were just saying you couldn't afford to. So here's your chance."

"I don't want to take something I didn't earn."

"Friends don't need to earn things. Just think of it as a gift."

"I'll find out in the morning," Brian said.

"I'll call you when he does," said Roger.

Joey found the hotel stationery pad and scribbled his number down. While Roger tried to get him to stay longer, Joey had to head home since he had to work early in the morning.

Roger walked to the door with him and thanked him for coming. He patted Joey on the shoulder, then let his hand linger there for a few seconds before finally letting go. It made Joey shiver, but he tried to hide it by saying his goodbyes.

His mind was a whirlwind as he walked home. He had met Brian May twice, been offered a free ticket to see Queen, been called their friend, and _kissed_ Roger Taylor!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Joey's second Queen concert. He doesn't want it to be his last.

Joey came home from his boring job at the grocery store in a huff. He  had no idea when Roger would call and he didn't want to miss it, so he had run home instead of walking at his usual pace.

He regretted it soon after, for he had to wait another hour and a half before the phone finally rang. Joey picked it up after the first ring.

"Hello!"

"Waiting by the telephone, I see," Roger's voice teased.

"Guilty as charged," Joey replied, his anticipation making him playful.

"Brian has just informed me that he was able to secure a ticket for you," Roger finally said.

"That's great!" Joey exclaimed. "Thank you so much, Roger!"

"It's no big deal," he said. "Happy to do it. Anyway, we thought we'd pick you up on the way to the gig. What's your address?"

"Are you sure?" Joey said. "I can take a bus. I have a pass."

"We're going there anyway, and you live close enough to walk to our hotel, so you must not live that far. It's no problem, really."

Joey's arm was twisted. He told Roger his address, letting Roger repeat it back to him to make sure he heard correctly.

"We have to get there early for sound check, so we're picking you up in half an hour. See you soon!"

"See you!"

No sooner did Joey hang up the phone did he jump straight up in the air. He could hardly believe it. Now he would be riding with the band! He knew this wouldn't last, but he sure was enjoying it while it did.

He rushed around the room, picking out another outfit that he hoped would be as fitting for the concert as his last one. Once he was ready, those last few minutes waiting for them to arrive felt like hours. He paced back and forth. When he heard the knock at the door, he had to stop himself from flat-out running over.

Roger was at the door, wearing a hat and sunglasses. He greeted Joey cheerfully and together they went down the stairs.

"Your chariot, your Majesty," Roger said with a flourish when they got outside.

The band’s tour bus stood panting outside the apartment building.

"Very subtle," Joey joked.

"Well, I can get you a car if you really want me to, but it won't have room for all of us to sit together," Roger joked back. "After you."

Roger let Joey get in the bus ahead of him.

"Hi there, Joey," Brian said, looking up from the table he was sitting at. "Welcome aboard."

Brian was sitting across from John and Freddie, who had been engrossed in what was on the table. When Brian spoke, they turned around to see him.

"Hi," John said quietly, lifting one hand up in greeting.

Freddie looked Joey up and down with a grin before saying, "Hello, darling. Make yourself at home."

Joey walked over to the table.

"What are you doing over here?" he asked.

"Scrabble," Brian replied. "It's great for passing the time on tour."

"I haven't played in years!" Joey said.

"You can team up with me," Freddie said. "They're kicking my arse."

Freddie shifted over, squeezing John into the side of the bus to make room for Joey.

"Hey!" he protested.

"Maybe I'd better not," Joey said.

"There's room beside me," Brian said.

"Er..."

Joey looked back and forth between Brian and Roger for approval.

"Go ahead," Roger said. "I'll be right here, anyway."

"Okay," Joey said and he sat down next to Brian.

"It's still your turn, Brian," John said.

"Right," Brian said to himself. Joey leaned over to look at Brian's letters. They both sat there in thought when they were interrupted by Freddie snickering.

"What?" Joey and Brian asked in unison as they looked up at him, which made Freddie laugh harder.

"You two look like twins," Freddie said. "Same curly hair, same sense of fashion. It's funny."

Joey and Brian looked at each other. Joey blushed. He couldn't admit that it wasn't a coincidence. That he was imitating Brian. Not with Brian sitting right there next to him.

"Great minds think alike, Fred," Brian said, to Joey's relief. "Joey has good taste!" He gave Joey a little smile and Joey nodded to indicate his appreciation.

They continued the game until they got to the concert venue.

"Damnit, Roger!" Freddie exclaimed. "Where did you find this guy? He and Brian have Deacy and I eating their dust!"

"You can't eat someone's dust unless you're racing them," Brian said.

"I don't care!" Freddie replied. "You're still  way too far ahead in points! It's not fair!"

"Life's not fair," John said.

"You'll have to get your revenge another time, because it's time for us to go," Brian said, getting up from his seat. Joey scooted out to let him get by.

The band all got out of the bus before him, since they had a lot to do.

"See you inside!" Roger had called to him as the others shuffled him out.

When Joey finally got out of the bus, the band was already inside. He stopped outside the door, watching the roadies carting stuff back and forth from the bus. One of them noticed him.

"Well, don't just stand there," he said, a little sternly. "Get a shift on! The merchandise won't move itself." He gestured to the boxes before turning to cart some other equipment inside. Joey went over to where the boxes were stacked and picked up a box containing tee shirts, according to the label stuck on it. He had to make a few more trips before the boxes were all brought in, and by then someone else in the crew was setting up the display in the lobby, hanging a few shirts and then arranging the rest in stacks by size. Joey helped them finish that task, reminded a little of stocking shelves in his own job, though he had to admit this was more fun.

When that was done, the other roadies were busy with soundcheck, so Joey wandered into the theatre to watch. As soon as he went through the doors, he was met by snippets of drum solos and guitar riffs as the band adjusted the sound for their instruments.

"Sounds good!" he called out from the aisle. From behind the drum kit he could see Roger smiling at the sound of his voice. It made him smile back.

They got him to walk around the various places in the seating area to make sure the sound was good in all of them, then the band headed backstage to get ready for the show.

Roger, the last to head for the wings, turned around to Joey at the last moment.

"You don't have to just stand there." He beckoned with his hand for Joey to join them. Joey followed.

It was exciting backstage. The guys were joking amongst themselves while dressers and stylists walked this way and that to get them their clothes and fix their hair. He watched with particular focus when it  was Brian's turn, for he was still learning how to deal with his own curls properly. After that was finished, he went over to where Roger was getting ready.

"Having fun?" he asked Joey as he fixed his necklace.

Joey nodded. "Is it fun for you, too, or are you used to it by now?"

"I'm used to it," Roger said, glancing over at Freddie as he bellowed out a vocal warmup. "But it's also fun."

"Thank you for letting me come."

"Thank you for accepting my invitation."

Joey opened his mouth to talk some more, but he was interrupted by a crew member announcing it was ten minutes until the band would be heading onstage.

"I'd better go take my seat," Joey said.

"Meet me back here after," Roger said, winking at Joey.

"See you later!"

Joey went to the lobby and gave his ticket to the ticket taker, then once again entered the theatre. They had gotten a good seat for him; he could see everything without straining his neck. As he watched the show, he felt completely different from the last time he had seen them live. The first time there had been so much anticipation and the concert had been something new. It had turned out to be the beginning of something exciting. Now, even more than before, it felt like the last few moments before something coming wonderful coming to an end. He didn't want it to end. He didn't want to wonder what could have been with him and Roger, didn't want to cut it off so soon.

He could feel the rhythm of the drums booming inside his chest, his eyes glued to Roger’s movements. He didn't want this to be the last time he felt this way. He had to think of some way to keep that from happening. At least, he had to try.

He stood up to clap with all the others in the audience as the band took their bows, seeming to radiate golden light. He had to push against the crowd to get backstage, but he was immediately greeted with a smile from Roger.

"Another great show!" he said as he approached. Up close, he could see Roger's already large blue eyes were accentuated with makeup. It made Joey want to kiss him right then and there, but he couldn't do it, not where everyone could see them. Besides, he had something important to say.

"Everyone!" he said, raising his voice to get their attention. He swallowed nervously when they all turned to him expectantly. He thought perhaps he should have approached this differently, but he couldn't back down now. "I want to work for Queen."

They didn't say anything, but they seemed surprised.

"I want to work for you. I'll be a roadie, I'll put up posters. I'll do anything. But I want to work for you."

"Joey, are you sure?"

"I was already mistaken for a roadie once tonight. I helped set up some things, and then I helped at soundcheck. I never had more fun working than I have tonight. I know it will cost you extra money if I  come with you, but I don't want to be a freeloader, so -"

"It's OK, Joey. We get the picture," Brian said. Joey looked down, sure that he had just embarrassed himself.

"You're my friend, Joey," Roger said. "If you want to come on tour with us you just have to say the word."

"I don't want to be a burden just because I'm your friend," Joey replied.

"Friends aren't burdens" said Roger.

"But I want to help!"

"All right, then," Roger said before pausing as if he was deep in thought. "What do you guys think?"

"It _is_ a little unfair," Freddie said. "Letting your friend join us when none of your girlfriends get to come along. But if he's also working it might be acceptable."

"Bri?"

"I have no objection. There's always work that needs doing."

"John?"

"Joey's all right by me."

"It's settled, then," Roger said, patting Joey on the back. "Welcome to the crew!"

He and Roger chatted on the bus ride home, Roger teasing him when he would yawn. Joey wasn't used to such long, busy nights like this, even if he was having a good time. They arrived at his apartment building before he knew it.

"Thanks, guys," he said as he got up and headed for the steps.

"I'll walk you to your door," Roger said.

"It's not far, I think I'll be fine." But even as he said this, Roger followed him out of the bus.

"Thank you for standing up for me," Joey said as they went up the stairs.

"I would be lying if I said I didn't want to keep you around," he said. "And Brian's right, there's always work that needs to be done, even just little jobs here and there."

"I'm excited to start," Joey said, the first time he had felt that way about a job.

"We'll see how you feel once you've actually started," Roger teased. "It can get busy."

"I'll grin and bear it if it is."

They had arrived at Joey's apartment door.

"Thanks for walking up with me," he said as he unlocked the door. He turned to close the door behind him when Roger reached out, took his face in his hand and kissed him full on.

"I've wanted to do that all night," Roger breathed when he finally had to stop.

Joey looked up into his eyes, shockingly blue so close up. "Me, too."

He held onto Roger’s arms as he backed away, not letting go until the last moment. And when he did, Joey found himself aching to see him go.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Joey on the road with Queen.

Joey didn’t have much time to get his affairs in order that morning. He went to the grocery store before opening time to let them know he had gotten a new job. After that was finished he had to make the proper arrangements so that his apartment would still be there for him the next time he came to town. And then there was the business of packing.

He had some big suitcases from the first time he had moved out, but realized it was probably not advisable to bring every single thing he owned with him on tour. While he had grown attached to them, he decided to leave behind his records and his scrapbook, since he would be seeing and hearing Queen for real every day.

After he had eliminated things like that and had packed his the necessities in the way of toiletries, he was able to fit most of his clothes into his suitcase. He brought one pair of more comfortable shoes for running around working and another, more stylish pair, in case he needed them if the band invited him to a party or something like that.

He sighed as he took one more look around the apartment, which looked even more spare than usual now that so much of it was packed up, and then he was off on his new adventure.

The band bus was behind the hotel when he got there. Joey dragged his suitcase up the stairs and hoisted it up in the overhead area. He was about to head back out when Roger appeared on the bus.

“Hey!” Joey said, waving. “I was just heading out to look for everyone else. I’ve already brought my suitcase up.”

“Great. Glad you found us all right,” Roger replied. “The other roadies are packing up the equipment, so you can focus on our personal luggage.”

“Okay.”

Joey tried to exit the bus, but Roger didn’t move out of his way.

“I’m really glad you wanted to come with us,” Roger said, his voice low and quiet. “Don’t let anyone make you overwork yourself. I know you wanted to help, but that doesn’t mean you have to sacrifice your health or anything. Okay?”

“Yes.”

Roger’s expression lost its seriousness and he smiled. “Go get ‘em.” He patted Joey’s shoulder as he walked by.

Joey wasn’t surprised at all that Freddie had more luggage, and heavier luggage, than everyone else in the band, but he didn’t complain. He hauled them one by one up to the bus, put them in the overhead carrier, and then went back to get the next one. It didn’t take very long, and everyone seemed appreciative of him, which was what he wanted. It reassured him that even if Roger was happy just to have him around, the others wouldn’t have a reason to think he was getting in the way. He joined them all up on the bus and soon they were on their way to the next city where Queen would rock.

The five of them played a game of Scrabble together. This time, Joey and Roger teamed up, but it couldn’t stop Brian from beating them all again.

“Just you wait,” Freddie said after the final tile was played and the scores tallied. “I’ll beat you next time!”

“Or maybe we will,” Roger said, referring to Joey and himself.

“Yeah!” Joey said, getting into the playful bickering.

“Perhaps after lunch?” John asked. “I think the driver will be making a stop soon.”

It proved true, and they all filed out of the bus to grab lunch.

After they ate, they were back to the game and as they had hoped, Joey and Roger pulled off a winning score, beating Freddie by two points.

“All right!” Joey exclaimed, giving Roger a high five.

“I can’t believe this losing streak,” Freddie exclaimed. “Even when I got all those points from putting down just one tile I couldn’t win.”

“Maybe next time, Fred,” Roger said. “For now, could you get me a Coke?”

Freddie stuck his tongue out jokingly before heading to the fridge and throwing the bottle to Roger.

“Hey, you could have made a mess doing that! What if Roger hadn’t caught it?” Joey said.

“Good thing we’d have you around to clean it up,” Freddie teased, making Joey shake his head.

As the day was drawing to a close and the sun was going down, things got quieter inside the bus. Joey was happy then to look out the window as the sky turned bright orange, then faded dark. The movement of the bus soon lulled him to sleep, which he knew had happened when he awoke suddenly with his head resting on Roger’s shoulder.

His eyes opened wide when he realized what was going on and he sat up. Roger looked up from the magazine he was reading.

“You could have stayed there,” he said only loud enough for Joey to hear. Joey looked around and saw that the others were already asleep. Even though he was afraid of being noticed, he shifted in his seat and rested his head back down. Shortly before he fell asleep, he felt Roger press a kiss into his hair.

They arrived at the next tour stop that morning, and Joey was tasked with carrying the band’s luggage off the bus and to their respective hotel rooms. When he had finished with their luggage, he headed back to the bus to get his own suitcase.

“Joey! Catch!” he heard Roger say when he arrived in the lobby and looked up to see Roger throwing something to him. He caught it one-handed. It was a room key. “Is this mine?”

“Yep!” Roger replied. “All to yourself. The same floor as the rest of us.”

They went up to the room and Joey unlocked the door. It contained one double bed, a chair, and a desk. Not luxurious, but still pretty nice. Nicer than any room Joey had had, which was enough to impress him.

“My first hotel room,” Joey said quietly.

“Really?” Roger seemed a little surprised, so used to hotel stays by now.

“Yeah.” Joey turned to Roger and whispered, “Do you want to christen the bed with me?”

Roger’s eyes widened in surprise.

“You were so shy when we met,” he said, “but there’s a beast inside of you, Joey.”

Joey chuckled, but looked at Roger with fire in his eyes. “Well?”

Roger looked towards the door. Nobody was in the hallway.

“The show isn’t until tonight…” he said, looking around and grinning pensively.

“Hey, Roger! Joey! We’re going to get lunch!” Freddie called, suddenly appearing at the door.

“Okay!” Roger called back.

“See you downstairs.” With that, Freddie disappeared as quickly as he had arrived.

“I guess we’ll have to wait until later,” Joey murmured into Roger’s ear before grabbing his key and leaving.

They ate their lunch together before heading back to the hotel to get their things unpacked, then headed to the theatre to get things ready for the concert that night. Joey set up the merchandise stand, which he was also manning this time. It got fairly busy, but it was fun to have face-to-face encounters with other fans, though he had to remind himself that he was more than just a fan, now. He was a little tired by the time the audience had all gone home and he had counted up the till, but he forgot all of that when Roger appeared in the lobby, waiting for him.

Joey did his best to control himself as they walked back to the hotel room, the remnants of makeup and sweat on Roger’s face making him look especially hot, even in the unflattering street lights.

Once Joey’s hotel room door closed behind them, he let himself loose, pressing his face to Roger’s and digging his fingers into his long, blond hair. When he could no longer breathe and he pulled back, the reality of the situation hit him and he suddenly felt nervous. He stared into Roger’s blue eyes and wanted him, but he wasn’t sure what to do. Roger seemed to pick up on his anxiety immediately.

“Do you still want to do this?” he asked, one hand on each of Joey’s shoulders. “It’s okay if you don’t.”

“I do,” Joey said. “I really do. It’s just…I don’t know how…I’ve never…”

“It’s okay, we can take all the time you need.” He tipped Joey’s chin up and kissed him gently. Joey tugged on Roger’s shirt buttons, undoing them and placing his hand on Roger’s warm chest. Roger held one hand over Joey’s and kissed him again before taking his shirt off the rest of the way. Joey did the same for himself, feeling more vulnerable without it than he was expecting. He watched Roger’s eyes drinking him in.

“You’re gorgeous, Joey,” he said.

“Not as much as you,” Joey replied, reaching out to feel the contours of Roger’s shoulders and his chest again. He was like a perfect statue.

“You ready to go to bed?”

Joey nodded.

They took off their shoes and Roger retrieved a condom from the pocket of his trousers before dispensing of them, too, leaving them in a heap on the floor. They then went over to the bed and peeled back the covers. Joey felt much warmer and less exposed as they continued there.

Roger eased Joey through every step and motion, smiling down at him and asking if he was okay as he gently entered into him. Roger asked him if it was okay, and it was. Joey felt himself melting in Roger’s arms, making noises he never thought possible, happy in ways he never thought possible.

When they were through, Roger rolled over to lie beside him, gazing into Joey’s eyes as he caressed his curls.

“Was it as good as you hoped?” Roger whispered.

“Yes,” Joey said, leaning over to kiss his partner. In fact, it was better. “I…I love you, Roger.”


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The resolution.

Touring with Queen was a bit of a whirlwind, but a whirlwind in which Joey was happy to be swept up. It was exciting to help set up the shows and take them down as swiftly, even if sometimes he was so tired that he felt asleep almost as soon as his head hit the pillow at night.

Or at least, it continued on this way for several weeks.  Then one night it changed.

They had a bit longer than usual in their current destination before they had to leave again, so Joey didn’t feel so pressed to get to bed. He and Roger had slept together a few other times since the first one, but they had gone a long stretch without it now and were practically clamouring for some time alone together. Brian and John’s girlfriends were in town, so they took the time that night to go on their own dates and there was no obligation for the whole band to spend the evening out together.

Joey and Roger took things a little faster that night. Joey had learned a bit more about how to actively participate in their couplings. He liked watching Roger’s appreciative expressions as he did this, even if Joey had also loved his tender smile from their first night together. Roger began to moan as they reached climax together.

“Oh…Oh…Yes…Brian!”

Roger collapsed on the bed as he let out a heavy, but swift, breath, but Joey felt frozen in his place. Roger had sometimes said Joey’s name in bed, but this was new. He turned his head slightly to look at his partner next to him, but Roger still did not seem to realize that he had said anything unusual.

They slept there that night without another word, but Joey began watching the events around him more closely. He felt stupid for not noticing before the way Roger looked at Brian differently from the other members of the band and the way he looked a little sad, though he tried to hide it, when the subject of Brian’s girlfriend came up in conversation.

For a week Joey kept quiet, even as the thoughts weighed heavily on his mind. Whenever Roger held him, he would forget all about his troubles, not wanting to be in any other world but the one where he and Roger were together. And then when the moments passed, when they rejoined the rest of the world, he was reminded again of the truth he would have to face.

When he lay in bed trying to sleep, he thought back to all the things that Roger had said in admiration of Brian during his first dates with Joey, the way Roger had complimented him on his hair the night they met, and he thought back to Freddie’s noting the similarities between Joey and Brian. The clues had been there all along, but he didn’t see them for what they really meant. Joey began to wonder if Roger had ever really liked him for himself at all.

One night, he decided he had to confront Roger. They stood in the doorway of Joey’s hotel room. It was warm and comforting in Roger’s arms and the thought crossed Joey’s mind to postpone the whole thing, perhaps forget about it entirely, but he shook that possibility almost as soon as it surfaced.

“Roger,” he said solemnly. “Do you love me?”

“What do you mean?” Roger asked confusedly. A bit defensively. But he kept caressing Joey’s hair. “Of course I do.”

“Are you sure?”

Roger stared at him gravely, but didn’t respond.

“I think you’re in love with Brian. That’s the truth, isn’t it?”

Roger responded quickly. “He’s got a girlfriend.”

“That doesn’t matter, though, does it?”

“What the hell, Joey? Of course it does!” Roger said angrily, raising his voice. Joey took a step back from him. “It means that I can’t have him! So I have to deal with it and move on. I like you and I can have you, so – ”

“But it’s because I remind you of him, isn’t it?” Joey shouted back, gesturing to his full head of fluffy curls, which had grown even more into resembling the ones on Brian’s head. Roger just looked at him silently. “I don’t want to be with you if I’m just a substitute for someone else. Not anymore.”

He saw the pain on Roger’s face and almost wished he hadn’t said that. Almost.

“He doesn’t love me like that,” Roger finally said.

“Has he ever said that?”

“No, but – ”

“Well, then you don’t know.”

“He’s got a girlfriend,” Roger repeated.

“That doesn’t mean he doesn’t also love you. What if he’s doing what you did, going out with me?”

“Well…”

Roger ran his hands anxiously through his hair, then stepped towards Joey, closing the space that had opened between them while they had argued. Joey saw tears forming in his eyes. Roger pulled him into a tight hug. He felt Roger’s chest shudder against him, which made Joey realize that he was beginning to cry, too. They didn’t need to say anything. They just stood there holding each other for a long while.

\---

“Do you want me to leave the crew?” Joey asked Roger the next night. Roger had come to Joey’s room to talk and nothing else. Joey had asked the question when their conversation had reached a lull and Roger had retreated into himself, staring at the floor.

“What?” Roger asked, looking up at Joey.

“Now that I’m not your boyfriend anymore, do you want me to stop touring with you?”

“Joey, no.” Roger got up from the chair and sat next to Joey on the bed. “I still want to spend time with you. I still want you to be my friend. In fact, I think I need you. More than ever.”

“Why?” Joey looked at Roger confusedly.

“I guess because…” Roger looked like he was trying hard to get the words out, to say the right ones. “…because I’m scared.”

Roger looked at him hesitantly, but Joey nodded to indicate for him to go on.

“I’m scared Brian won’t love me back,” Roger said. “I’m scared that will cause the band to break up. I’m scared of ruining our friendship.”

Joey reached over and wrapped his arm around Roger’s shoulders, moving his hand up and down.

“I don’t know what will happen between the two of you,”  Joey admitted. “But I know one thing. You and Brian have something very special, something strong between you. You’ve told me yourself. No matter what you fight about, it always works out. I’ve seen it. Maybe he loves you back in the same way and maybe he doesn’t. But it’s not going to ruin things between you. I don’t think that’s possible.”

Joey pulled Roger closer.

“And if things don’t work out,” Joey whispered. “There’s plenty of groupies out there to satisfy your urges.”

Roger snorted. “It’s not about urges.”

“Maybe not, but I made you laugh.”

Joey caressed Roger’s hair lovingly, like his mother used to do for him when he needed comforting.

“I’m here for you, Roger.”

They stayed like that for a while, letting the quiet of the hotel room surround them.

“You still love me, don’t you?” Roger asked suddenly.

Joey smiled a little sadly. Roger was good at reading him.

“Every minute.”

“Then why are you doing this?”

Joey thought for a moment about how to say it.

“Because I don’t own you,” Joey said. “And I think, sometimes, loving someone means letting them go.”

\---

They didn’t speak of it again and their relationship didn’t change much after those nights. Roger still invited Joey to hang out and play Scrabble with the band. Roger still pat Joey on the shoulder as he walked by. They didn’t ignore each other. But they didn’t kiss, didn’t rush to the bedroom to get their hands on each other. There were moments when Joey still wanted that to happen, but it didn’t, which he knew was for the best.

Joey didn’t know for a long time how things had worked out for Roger and Brian, whether they were continuing on as friends, if Roger had been rejected, or if Roger was just keeping his feelings to himself for a while.

That was, until one night on the bus, when the hustle and bustle of the day had died down. Joey had nodded off in his seat at the back, but was woken up with the bus hit a bump in the road. John, Freddie, and the roadies remained fast asleep, but when Joe looked over to the other side of the bus, he saw Brian with his arm around Roger’s shoulder and Roger resting his head against Brian’s. It all became clear.

Joey smiled at the sight. He had wondered if he would be sad if this moment ever came, but he wasn’t. He loved Roger, it was true, but that meant that it warmed his heart to see him happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading.


End file.
